The Thin Blue Line

Even before the last slice of wedding cake had been eaten (which was delicious by the way) it started... THAT question.. "So when will we hear the patter of tiny feet?" We were both very keen to start a family, not least because we'd fallen head over heels for our beautiful niece in the previous 3 years and 2 more were en route! But, having spent all my adolescence being told how important it was NOT to get pregnant and how to protect myself from such trauma, I was suddenly faced with the stark realisation that I wasn't actually sure how to make it happen. No, I don't mean the mechanics of it all. I mean, how did I maximise my chances and do all I could to ensure a healthy and successful pregnancy. After months of "trying", tests and disappointment which turned the early months of our marriage into something more reminiscent of a science experiment, as well as countless hospital appointments, one when the doctor felt the need to check that I hadn't rocked up to the fertility clinic by mistake (being a wheelchair user and all) one morning with a heavy heart and a voice in my head saying "it'll be no different this time" I did the test. After waiting the obligatory 10 minutes and peeping with one eye... to my utter disbelief, there it was, the blue line, I was pregnant! Tears of joy and relief streamed down my face as I screamed for my other half to come quick and we both jumped around the bathroom (well, he jumped, mine was more of a limp hop!)

Sadly however all was not well and just 8 short weeks later, before we had a chance to contemplate parenthood, we had to say goodbye to our little angel who left us at 12 weeks. Our world collapsed around us. Having struggled to conceive and finally achieving our goal, we didn't for one second consider that this could happen. But while we weren't anticipating our loss, the grief or the all consuming love we felt for the little person we never even got to meet, we definitely weren't prepared for what happened next. Just a few weeks later I was feeling a bit off and discussed with hubby whether I should take a test. "Surely not" we both agreed, "there's no way it would happen again so soon." Nonetheless I decided I'd take the test "If only to get rid of it, it's been in the house for ages." Minutes later... there it was... the blue line... I was pregnant again.

I started to shake and cry as with a dry throat I called my hubby. Understandably his reaction was muted this time, even a little cold. I could tell he couldn't face the idea of heartbreak all over again for both us and our family. We agreed not to reveal the news to anyone this time and see how things panned out. We were terrified and cautious but inside I was secretly thrilled.. surely this had happened for a reason? And this baby had a little angel sibling watching over them. I had a feeling everything would be just fine...

Dedicated to our little angel

Love

Wheelie Momma